Judgement to Joy
In her book How To Age, Ann Karpf points out that during the 1940s and 50s, younger people wanted to look older. Vogue magazine even represented the older generation with a model named Mrs Exeter, a woman ‘unashamedly old’. In 1949 Vogue wrote: Approaching 60, Mrs Exeter does not look a day younger, a fact she accepts with perfect good humour and reasonableness.
https://www.theguardian.com/fashion/fashion-blog/2013/nov/20/vogue-mrs-exeter-fashion-magazines-older-women
How extraordinary this seems to our modern conception of ageing. Media today will have us believe that to remain looking as young as possible is best. Ironically today, in most cases magazines such as Vogue use models of an age much younger than they are representing.
In today’s society we have become practically obsessed with youth. How has such an about face happened? It seems the youth culture of the 1960s must take some responsibility. Also, today’s technology and social media have acerbated the illusions of how we should look. We are even judged by whether or not we adapt to the younger generation’s technology and our use of that technology. Ageism unfortunately takes these considerations to another level by segregating age into ‘young’ and ‘old’ when in fact ageing is a lifelong process.
Ageism is a judgment and not at all helpful in living a full and vital life. It wants us to believe that we should look or behave a particular way at a particular age.
In reality, the exciting thing is that we have CHOICES.
We can choose to allow our hair to go grey or we can choose to colour it; choose to have Botox or choose not to. We can choose to travel or to volunteer. In fact our choices are endless. The most important part of making any of these decisions is to listen to the heart, knowing whatever decisions we make sit well with us and bring us joy. Sadly, it’s easy to make decisions based on one’s insecurity or a natural, powerful desire to make a choice to conform to other people’s values and priorities. And making choices based on our insecurities or to make ourselves more “acceptable” to others, can produce a life that is neither fulfilling nor reflective of our values, desires and needs. Bringing gratitude into the equation will eliminate our propensity to make decisions from insecurity or a desire to conform to other people’s values. And this gives us the freedom to fully embrace our own unique life and experience a much more fulfilling life, making the most of the moments that fill the hours of our days.
We can choose to be grateful for our memories and experiences and to appreciate the wisdom we have gained through our successes and failures. It is interesting that when we take the time to re-visit and analyse what we consider our mistakes or failures, they can often teach us more than our successes. Even our most challenging, confronting experiences can be used to propel us forward. Too often we become tethered to the emotions attached to our most traumatic experiences and in this way we block our own way forward. This is especially dangerous in our mid years. We can become weighed down by regret and discouragement and this prevents us from moving forward to embrace our full potential. It is at this time that a technique I call pearl diving can be particularly helpful.
Pearl diving is a method of delving into past experiences and the hurtful emotions they produced. Often, it is those hurtful emotions that keep us captive, preventing us from moving forward into a more satisfying and joyful life.
Pearl diving starts by looking back at a past experience that was hurtful or even devastating. Only now we look at it from a whole different perspective. We look at that experience in the context of where we are today and the benefits that ultimately came to us because of that experience. Those benefits are the hidden pearls that have gone unnoticed until now. As we find these glorious pearls, gratitude flows into our heart and liberates us from the negative emotions that have invisibly chained us to our past hurts. Once we are set free from those emotions, that past trauma no longer prevents us from moving forward into a more joy filled life. We are given the opportunity to honour our past, rather than judge it, and we learn to carry it with a heart of gratefulness rather than a heart of disappointment or resentment. The new gratefulness that fills our heart is so powerful, it even makes it possible for us to forgive others we never imagined forgiving. We also gain the power to forgive ourselves as well. As we forgive others and ourselves, we can find even more pearls that set us free and allow us to be comfortable in our own skin.
One of the most liberating things about being alive and well for a longer time is the ability to recognize that superficialities are just that, and that true security comes from within. With this recognition, we escape the shackles of judgement to soar into the realms of living fully and joyously, content in our choices.
